This is an            actual letter from an Austin            woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their            feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first            paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web            mail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr.            Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of the ir features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably
never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what
my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of the ir features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably
never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what
my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the            Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of            research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly            visits from 'Aunt Flo'.  Therefore, you must know about the            bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our            intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You            surely realize it's a tough time for most            women.
The point            is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with            homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason            for my letter.  Last month, while in
the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding            me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager            brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing            happiness, is possible during a menstrual period?  Did            anything  mentioned above sound the least            bit pleasurable?  Well, did it, James?  FYI, unless            you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be            anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself            up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so            you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting            rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of            glory.
For the            love of God, pull your head out, man!  If you have to slap a            moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say            something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer'            or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong.'
Sir, please inform your            Accounting Department that,
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending BS. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Have a nice day!
effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending BS. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
1 comment:
oh-my-gawd! I loves it!!!
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